First Post

I created this blog two months ago with the intention of telling my complete story. During that time I have been going through my notes and trying to formulate the information there into something that is both comprehensive and comprehensible. The comprehensive aspect means that this story would reflect my observations about crime, race, poverty, friendship, the police, politics and the media.

The comprehensible aspect means that my story has to reflect all of the many different views I have garnered over the years here about each of these various aspects. If I fail to be comprehensive in my views of any one aspect, that will hinder the reader’s understanding of other aspects as well.

In addition to this being a complex story with a lot of information to be assimilated, that only deals with the intellectual features. I have found as well that my emotional condition has affected my ability to write this story. Every time I have begun to write, I end up spinning off into a rant of sorts. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I am now at least able to recognize this in myself, for a short time ago this was perhaps not the case.

So during the past two months I have been perusing my notes, trying to harness my emotional drive so that it empowers the story rather than overpowers it, and drinking lots of whiskey. During this time I have tried to distance myself somewhat from the situation here. I look out the windows less often, am less confrontational with people, and only make a journal entry once a week instead of twice a day. I did this partly because I had other things to keep me busy, but mostly just to protect my sanity.

Despite my purposeful attempts to ignore my surroundings though, I could not avoid recognizing certain changes. The most obvious difference is in the behavior of the dealers. I must first be honest and say that there is still illegal drug activity taking place here, and that is certainly not something that I condone. However, it is not anywhere near as intense as it used to be.

The most noticeable change is that you are far more likely to see only one or two guys standing on the corners at one time instead of the formerly large groups. In addition, I have noticed that my particular corner has gotten a lot less busy. Unfortunately for my neighbors, some of this activity has just been transferred to their corners. There is one corner though with no house on it. Whenever someone is selling there, I just ignore it. I figure that realistically, that is probably the best I can hope for.

I am very pleased that it appears that no one is trespassing on my property now. No coming home to find a bag of pot on my steps, or my porch chairs moved around. No walking out the front door to find a group of people standing in my front yard. No angry looks, no pretend drive-bys, and best of all, no more Molotov cocktails!

The other major change has to do with the police. I know that FWPD has always been active in this area, and much of that is noted in my journal, but their performance (in my opinion) has also left a lot to be desired. I have always been willing to admit that I do not see the whole story, and that which I do see is subject to my own biased interpretation. But despite any misconceptions I might have about what has gone on here in the past, I can say with confidence that the FWPD is now acting in a manner which I feel is more responsive to the needs of this neighborhood.

So currently, the dealers sometimes stand for a short time in front of my house, and for longer times across the street, but that is still a great improvement over what was. The few neighbors that have been angered by my actions are greatly outnumbered by those who have expressed to me their appreciation. Occasionally, the police need to use my front yard as a staging area for questioning and searching suspects, but that is a price I’m willing to pay for a little bit of tranquility.

It might seem to some that I am overly compromising, but I would suggest that those people are probably ignorant of the reality of my situation. I can not afford (financially or mentally) to wage constant battle with either the dealers and/or the police. I am willing to concede that there will probably always be some drug activity here. And there will also be what I feel is the occasional improper response to this problem by the FWPD.

But the current situation where most of the dealers are quiet and non-aggressive, and where the police take reasonable steps to keep those who aren’t in check, is something that I can live with. In my opinion, both the dealers and the FWPD have significantly changed their behavior. And so, as with any long-term solution, both sides must make concessions.

Fifteen months ago, a few days after they tried to burn down my house, I approached one of the main dealers here and told him that he’d have to put a bullet through my head to force me from my home. I then told him that I thought it would be a lot easier for everyone if we just found a way to get along. He responded to this well. During the next two days I frequently observed him speaking with many of the younger dealers, convincing them to calm down a bit.

My promise to the dealers was that I was not trying to shut down their operation, but that I demand respect for myself and my property. For the most part, they have honored their promise, so I will continue to honor mine. Since December 24 of 2006, I have only called FWPD one time. And this was only after three dealers were fighting in the middle of the night, one of them was slammed against the side of my house, and I first went out to speak to them myself.

I still continue to openly speak with any police officer who I might encounter here. I have certainly not changed to one of those people that says “I didn’t see nothing!”, acting with indifference or disrespect towards the officers. It’s just that I am trying to make it clear to everyone that my mission is just to protect my property. The rest of the neighborhood can take care of itself.

As for the FWPD, there was no formally stated agreement made. There was just me filing a complaint accusing one high ranking officer of coordinating the drug activities here, threatening to sue, and generally telling everyone I know what a piece of shit organization I thought the FWPD was. My stance was met mostly by silence from FWPD, which only served to reinforce my opinion. But as I have stated above, either their behavior has changed or just my perception of it has changed. Regardless, I now feel that their motto of “To serve and to protect” now applies to me, so I am willing to revise my posture towards the FWPD.

Originally I had stated that low ranking officers would remain anonymous in my story, while high ranking officers would be named. I had reasoned that while most of the low level officers were probably acting under conditions that were out of their control, the high ranking officers were the ones who set these conditions. If those conditions are flawed, then so are the officers who created them. I am now more willing to admit that I may have either lacked the necessary information and/or been so personally affected by the situation so as to prohibit me from making a correct analysis of the FWPD.

Whether I simply misunderstood the situation, or if in fact the FWPD has changed, I do not know for certain. But what is certain is that the past is far less important to me than the present and the future. Before, I concentrated on the past here only because I thought it was indicative of the future. While some of my actions might properly be seen as vengeful towards FWPD, this was only because I thought they had no intention of fulfilling their obligation towards me as a citizen.

By naming certain officers publicly, I may have caused individual embarrassment and other problems as well for them. It’s likely that in a close knit organization such as FWPD, any such individual problems would have been felt by the entire group, including those officers who I either bear no grudge towards or who I actually appreciate and respect. But the truth is, I really didn’t give a damn. I was so pissed off, I just wanted to raise hell and damn the consequences for my actions.

I now realize that this is probably neither the most successful nor the most deserved approach. I do still plan on telling my story, but it will probably be more respectful to FWPD (both as an organization, and as individuals) than was previously planned. All person’s will be listed under a pseudonym (except where absolute necessity dictates otherwise). And while it will be apparent that I am of the opinion that there were at least a few officers who have acted incompetently or unprofessionally, I will also try hard to differentiate between what I was feeling at the time, and what (with hindsight) might actually be a more reasonable explanation of events.

As far as I’m concerned, the FWPD is now treating me respectably, and so I plan to return the favor. The most serious charges are a thing of the past, and I expect that this will remain so going forward. Any questions that might eventually be brought to the attention of FWPD as a result of my blog should not be problematic for them. They could be responded to by simply saying “Well, we’ve made some changes and things are better now.” At least that’s the way I see it.