A Preacher Without the Collar - Dedicated to the Memory of a True Gentleman

One day Ben passed by as I was outside working on my car. I didn’t really know much about Ben at that time. I just knew him as the guy that carried the water buckets, and the one who would stop to talk with anyone that was willing. He asked what the problem was and as I explained he put his buckets of water down and came over to look at it with me. Ben thought that I just had an undercharged battery, so he walked back to his house to get his charger. I told him that it would take a while for it to charge, and he just said to make sure and bring it back when I was done.

I was surprised that Ben would lend out his tools to someone he really didn‘t know. I joked with him that I must have an honest face. As he picked up his buckets and walked on towards his garden down the street, he replied “That’s OK, I know where you live.” He said this with a smile though and I knew I had made a good friend that day.

Another day Ben and I were standing in front of my house talking. A man approached and asked us for money. He was only semi-coherent and became somewhat belligerent when we both declined to give money. He walked away cussing at us and I cussed back at him. Ben simply called to him and said “Hey brother you need to get straight. You’re heading the wrong way.”

After the man left I turned to Ben and said “I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with that son of a bitch, but he better stay the fuck away from me.” I was a little upset, as I was not yet used to being harassed by crack-heads in front of my own home. Ben responded by saying “Sometimes they can’t help it Phil. That stuff’s like the devil when it gets a hold of you and it changes a person.”

Ben went on to tell me that he used to be addicted to drugs when he was younger, and he knew how bad it could be. He said that he doesn’t give people money when they ask for it, but he doesn’t hate them for their addiction either. It was probably due to this single event, a person I had a lot of respect for admonishing me to have a little compassion, that today I view an addict as having an illness rather than being an evil person.

Ben was the kind of guy who could walk up to two people that were having a fierce argument, stand between them and just start talking like everything was normal - “Hey Gordon, Hey Lamar, how’s it going?” - Refusing to even acknowledge that an argument was taking place. If most people tried this, they would quickly find themselves consumed by the hostilities as well, but when Ben did it, the tensions automatically began to dissipate. His mere presence often generated enough good will that the argument was forgotten.

I could write a lot more about Ben, but I’ll summarize by saying that, to me Ben was like a preacher without the collar. He gave his tools and his time to strangers because he knew that is how you get to know people. He wasn’t afraid to be the first to give, or the last, because he knew that if none of us ever took that chance, then we’d always be strangers. Ben was a true living example of how a person should treat their fellow human beings.

Anyone who says that this is a bad neighborhood, and says no more, ignores people like Ben. That is not only incorrect, but to me it is personally offensive. Ben was a rare individual, the kind of person that seldom exists in any neighborhood - good or bad. And Ben was my friend. That is why Abby’s comments towards me (mentioned in my previous post) had so much meaning.


A tribute to a leader - Dan Fogelberg: Leader of the Band