The War of the Parking Spaces: Spring 1997

I usually park in front of my house or beside it. On this particular day, I parked in front of Arlen’s house because someone else was parked in front of mine. I had just finished working all night and I was tired, so I really didn’t give much thought to where I parked. I went inside and fell asleep.

A few hours later a knock on my door woke me up and I answered to find Judd, Arlen’s brother-in-law, standing there. Although it was early afternoon, I had been sound asleep. It took a few minutes for me to get to the door and a few more minutes to actually wake up. Judd had come over to ask me to move my car from Arlen’s space. It was probably because of my grogginess that I said “What?” about four times before I actually understood what he wanted.

Now if I had been fully awake, I might have simply said “Oh, sorry about that, someone was in my spot and I wasn’t thinking when I parked in Arlen’s. Do you really need me to move it right now, or is it OK if I just remember not to do it again?” Knowing Judd as well as I do now, it’s likely he would have replied “Don’t worry about it brother, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t disrespecting us.”

Of course I was dazed and confused, and angry at being awoken for such a trivial matter, so my response was probably more like “What the fuck’s the big deal? There’s plenty of spaces around here. I don’t get pissed when you park in front of mine.” And of course Judd, having no idea that he had awoken me (most people aren’t asleep at that time of day) was taken aback by my crude response, so his reply was something along the lines of “You mother fucker, you better move that or we’re gonna have some problems here.”

Somehow, Judd and I had moved into my front yard now with what had turned into a very heated argument. During all of our shouting, Arlen, was just setting on his front porch, head leaned back, hat tipped forward, and totally ignoring both of us. Then, I turned towards him and said “Arlen, it’s your space, do you need me to move my car?”

Arlen moves pretty quick for a guy even half his age, and as I would soon find out he was every bit as stubborn as I am. He jumped up from his chair, leaped off the porch, and was in my face in a heartbeat. Judd stepped back and it was now me and Arlen having the “discussion.” Of course for all the energy I had invested so far, it would have been easier to just move the damn car. And Arlen had already parked across the street, so he could have just said “Don’t let it happen again.” and walked away. But apparently, Arlen and I just don’t think that way some times.

Arlen took a swing at me that I easily side stepped. At the same time that I was realizing how dangerous the situation might easily become, I was amused. I alternated between lobbing obscenities and saying with a laugh “Arlen, why are we arguing over something this stupid.” At one point, Arlen put his hand in his pocket and said “Do you want shot?” I replied “No, I really don’t. Is that what you plan on doing?”

At this point something really bizarre happened. Two cops on bicycles rounded the corner and stopped to see what the fuss was about. We both explained our side of the story to the perplexed officers. One of them took me aside and quietly said, in an almost pleading tone, “Wouldn’t it be best if you just moved your car?”

I walked back over to Arlen and turned towards the other officer and said “I’m parked on the street. Even though I’m in front of his house I don’t have to move my car, do I?” He replied “It would be best if you did.” I said “I’m not asking what is best. I want to know if I am under any legal obligation to move my car.” He replied that I was not. At that point I turned to Arlen and said “I’ll move my car, not because I have to or because you told me to, but because I just want to go back to sleep and be left the fuck alone.”

I had saved face. By proving that I was moving my car because I wanted to, and not because I had to, I had maintained my integrity. You can read about this rule on page one of the “How to be a dumb ass” handbook.

It took me and Arlen a few weeks to get past this rift. In fact, we had both tried to apologize at different times, but the other one refused to accept it. (This tactic - refusing to accept a sincere apology - can be found on page two of the handbook.) Once we did calm down though, I think it was each others stubborn refusal to back down that caused us both to respect the other more than before. The story of our reconciliation would make a good post in itself, but I’ll save that for another time. I’ve got too many stories about the police and the dealers to tell right now.

The reason that I am telling this story is because it is illustrative of the violent culture that permeates this neighborhood. To escalate from “Hey, would you move your car?” to “I’ll shoot your ass!” so quickly was something that I had never experienced before. But this tendency towards violence was no isolated event here. And I would eventually find that it affected me in ways I never dreamed possible. In some ways, I have become a much more aggressive person because of what I have experienced here.

I’m not saying my actions have not been justified, but it is worth noting that I never owned a gun before I lived here. I have never received a death threat before I lived here, and I have never walked up to a person and challenged them to pull a gun on me before. As I see how these actions are sometimes interpreted by people that are close to me, I realize how much this neighborhood really has changed me.

And then, I begin to wonder about the others here. Perhaps Arlen wasn’t a naturally violent person, but he has lived here much longer than me. How do I know that someone didn’t threaten to shoot him a long time ago, and maybe that is what made him turn violent? It really is a self-perpetuating cycle when it sometimes seems that the only way to counter violence is with even more violence.

I’m perfectly willing to admit that I can be a real dumb ass sometimes. Just don’t ask me to admit it at the time I am actually being one!